Oh.. but you don’t look gay?

Dig up the memory of your English class and sit yourself back in that desk. Look around you. Who’s the nerd? How about the idiot? I’m sure you remember that girl who kissed one person too many at the recent local disco? Yep. She’s the easy one. As the word itself means, a stereotype is an oversimplification of a particular type of person. All other attributes are hammered down to one simple, summed up description.

I was once asked why there were only three types of lesbians. No joke. My inquisitive acquaintance defined his three types to me; the butch, the femme and the inbetween. He then went on to try and explain his justification of coming to this conclusion. In his three decades of experience, he was almost amused at how all lesbians and gay men fitted one of the pre-defined moulds. It was as if he believed we had to choose which one to slot into when we all came out. Hmmm, I’m not a fan of dresses, so I’ll be a butch lesbian. Here’s your license, now on your way. Ugh, facepalm.

What my pal didn’t seem to understand, was when I turned his view around on him. Straight guys, I told him, are either jocks, stoners or geeks, right? Straight girls, I added, are either gold diggers, narcissists or nerds. ‘But – but – but I’m not any of them’, he proclaimed. I was overwhelmingly satisfied watching the enlightenment resonate over his face. No one fits entirely into a stereotype, so why are the LGBT community any different? Too often, a stiletto wearing lesbian arouses surprise among her straight peers. A professional gay rugby player doesn’t fit the usual mold. Oh, you drive a motorbike? Dyke.

There are spectrums. Great big spectrums. (Youtuber Ashley Mardell has done a vlog on them that you should check out). Basically, there are an infinite number of identities that people can relate to. Sorry to disappoint, but not everyone will fit your pre-determined idea of what an LGBT person should look/act like. Open your mind, I say! Hell, I’ll wear heels one day and chinos the next. I challenge you to try and stereotype me 😉

10 comments

  1. Ha what a great response! I’m definitely going to have to try that one next time I get the “you don’t look gay” line.
    As I was growing up gay, I found I tried to do everything I could to avoid being a stereotype (I can’t wear this I look too butch etc). The result was a messed up aesthetic that looked like I was trying way too hard. Now I’m older, I realise that people will stereotype you no matter what you do, so you might as well be happy with what you wear/how you look.

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  2. It’s common sense right? It seems hard for a lot of people to grasp. There are an infinite number of different types of people in the world – unless you have some comprehension for equality then you might not be able to see that that infinite number applies equally to everyone, whether you’re gay, straight, trans, whatever…

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  3. It depends on the culture. In countries with a Spanish influence (Latin America, the Philippines), lesbians and gays are accepted more readily in society PROVIDED they are clearly marked as such. So the gay men are flamboyantly feminine, the gay women are all short haired and wear their baseball hats backwards. It’s a kind of social bargain and very few people have explored the possibility of rejecting it and just fitting in with straights the way they do in America for example.

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  5. I’m constantly disappointed that the gay guys get cute animals and snacks for “type” names–bear, otter, twinkie–and lesbians just get butch or dyke. I’d like to be referred to as a rabbit or poptart.

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